As a dater of straight men, I have always been able to say for certain that I would not have survived them and could not endure them without my girlfriends. I have also always been able to say that girlfriends are key to a wonderful life. And then this morning:
(It's just some typing. Why wouldn't I want to help her out?)
(In an ideal world, after I got her second text message, I
would have written back, "No. I don't want to do that." But,
instead, I sat there for a few minutes trying to come up
with an excuse to get out of it. There is none. Not after,
"Sure what time?")
She had LASIK eye surgery 3 weeks ago. At this time, the surgery only hinders her ability to partake in unpleasant activities, such as filling out extensive job applications. She can only see enough to type rather lengthy text messages. And she is perfectly capable of requesting arduous favors.
Now, I’m thinking that, as a been-there-done-that friend of unexcellent girlfriends, I can say for certain that I would not have survived them and cannot endure them without my top-notch girlfriends. I can now also say for certain that top-notch girlfriends are key to a wonderful life. What it takes to be top-notch:
Me: I guess he’s still recovering from a party he went to.
Girlfriend: Ugh, I’m so sick of people staying in and “resting.” Look at me, I’ve had this cold for like 6 weeks and you never see me at home. You can rest when you’re older!
Girlfriend: The one that cheated on me. Whenever he felt guilty, he’d buy me flowers and tell me how I look even prettier without my makeup on. It’s like, this is how I know you’re lying. You expect me to believe that you find me prettier when I’m less attractive?
Me: No, is it any good?
Girlfriend: Yeah, sure.
Me: Why is it called Tosh.0?
Girlfriend: The host’s last name is Tosh.
Me: Oh, what’s his first name?
Girlfriend: . . . [thinking ellipsis, not speechless ellipsis]
Me and Girlfriend at the same time: …Josh?
This one is top-notch because she doesn’t pull my hair back for me when I’m puking from drinking too much like every other girl. She performs a song for me while I’m vomiting!
would have written back, "No. I don't want to do that." But,
instead, I sat there for a few minutes trying to come up
with an excuse to get out of it. There is none. Not after,
"Sure what time?")
She had LASIK eye surgery 3 weeks ago. At this time, the surgery only hinders her ability to partake in unpleasant activities, such as filling out extensive job applications. She can only see enough to type rather lengthy text messages. And she is perfectly capable of requesting arduous favors.
Now, I’m thinking that, as a been-there-done-that friend of unexcellent girlfriends, I can say for certain that I would not have survived them and cannot endure them without my top-notch girlfriends. I can now also say for certain that top-notch girlfriends are key to a wonderful life. What it takes to be top-notch:
- No excuses attitude
Me: I guess he’s still recovering from a party he went to.
Girlfriend: Ugh, I’m so sick of people staying in and “resting.” Look at me, I’ve had this cold for like 6 weeks and you never see me at home. You can rest when you’re older!
- Reliably sarcastic
Girlfriend: The one that cheated on me. Whenever he felt guilty, he’d buy me flowers and tell me how I look even prettier without my makeup on. It’s like, this is how I know you’re lying. You expect me to believe that you find me prettier when I’m less attractive?
- Ability to kick back and relax
Me: No, is it any good?
Girlfriend: Yeah, sure.
Me: Why is it called Tosh.0?
Girlfriend: The host’s last name is Tosh.
Me: Oh, what’s his first name?
Girlfriend: . . . [thinking ellipsis, not speechless ellipsis]
Me and Girlfriend at the same time: …Josh?
This one is top-notch because she doesn’t pull my hair back for me when I’m puking from drinking too much like every other girl. She performs a song for me while I’m vomiting!
(this exact song)
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