Or, what if the recipient doesn’t have a mailbox on campus?  

I shall explain.

She, the recipient, said to me, “Aww, is this our first fight?”

Yeah, I agree.  What a horrendous thing to say to me.  ‘Aww’ and ‘first fight’?!?!  An expression of endearment followed by an indication that more disputes with her are to come my way?!  I don’t think so.

She, the recipient, works part-time at the school where I work.  She found out where my office is a little over a month ago.  And she continued to find my office on a daily basis, telling me that we have irrefutably bonded.  Her word, not mine.  Her statement is also untrue.  Just absurdity all around.  I finally dropped major hint bombs on her:  “I have to work.”  “I’m at work.”  “I really should get back to work.”  “I don’t eat meat. Stop offering me hot dogs.”  (End-of-the-year hotdogs were being provided by the school.)

“Haha. I get it, you’re trying to kick me out.”   

That’s what she said.  “Haha.”

Yup.  You know.  I have to end this.  

I met a boy yesterday at a baby shower. A grown-up boy, not a baby boy. He’s older than I am, probably. And I’m a woman.

We were the 2 best-looking people there. So it was really natural for us to automatically gravitate towards each other.  No.  We were the only 2 there without friends. Not really. He had a friend.  I was the only one without a friend.  There, okay.  I was neither one of the 2 best-looking people there nor did I have any friends.

He wrote me a love letter this morning:

Absolutely not.  But I did find the above love letter sample online.

Here’s the real thing:

My love letter:

Okay, Okay, I’ll stop. 

Tell me:

●  Is there a love connection here?
●  Will he write back?
●  Do you think he likes me?

Comments are open.

_________________
*The baby shower was in New York, and I reside in the great American city, Boston, also known as, “the worst place in the world.”**

_________________
**“Boston is the worst place in the world.”  -Whitney Soup

Just got back from the doc's office for a check-up.  

Medical Doctor:  You've gained weight.
Me:  I think your scale's broken.
Medical Doctor:  Really?  I didn't reali--
Me:  No.
Medical Doctor:  Do you have a history of thyroid problems in your family?
Me:  I don't have a disease!
Medical Doctor:  Okay.  How did this happen?  Did you do this on purpose?
Me:  Of course not!  I would never do this on purpose.  I was rejected from graduate school and then ate some of my feelings.
Medical Doctor:  Well, don't gain anymore weight.

The title is just a list of ways to turn me down.

Also I didn't get into the school I wanted.  

And I've received a lot of support from my people. But this one definitely takes the cake.

Obvious next step:  Have my eloquent writer friend write me a letter of recommendation to my next school.

From: The Winery
Sent: 1/30/2013 3:35 PM
To: where@whitneysoup.com
Subject: Shipping to Massachusetts

Hello Whitney,

The State of Massachusetts does not allow wine shipments from other states.

Kind Regards,

The Winery
www.thewineryonline.com
212-222-4866
257 West 116th St.
NY, NY 10026
Open 7 days 1 pm to 10 pm

On Jan 30, 2013, at 3:39 PM, Ms. Soup <where@whitneysoup.com> wrote:

Ugh - another reason to move back to NY.

Thank you.

Sent from my Windows Phone

From: The Winery <info@thewineryonline.com>
To: Ms. Soup <where@whitneysoup.com> 
Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 3:50 PM
Subject: Re: Shipping to Massachusetts

We feel your pain. 

All the best,

The Winery
www.thewineryonline.com
212-222-4866
257 West 116th St.
NY, NY 10026
Open 7 days 1 pm to 10 pm

* * * *

I played Classic Hooky yesterday.  Thought I'd spend the day putting in some Me Time.  That led me to good ole Target.  Where I bought me a juicer.  Then I bought the following ingredients to juice:

Juiced them.  Broke the juicer / Juicer broke on its own.  Rinsed out juicer.  Re-boxed juicer.  Scotch-taped lid down because re-boxing is an impossible thing to do.  Went back to Target to return juicer.  Returned home.  Ate a Celeste pizza for one.  Felt like a queen.

Story's not over.  Still had 2 bottles of juice left undrank.  Drank them this morning before work.  Got sick on the way to work.  Almost vomited when I got to work.  An hour before my performance review meeting with my supervisor.  Meeting happened.  Still feel sick.  Filled with regret.  And juice, because I never vomited.  

Currently not enjoying my lunch as much as I could be.

• Number One.)  Working where I work.  For a bunch of dysfunctionals at an adult nursery.  (For a bunch of professors at a graduate school of education.)
  
  
• Number Two.)  Nope. That's it.  I'm perfect otherwise.

I'll paint a picture for you, called, A Day in the Life at the Adult Nursery a.k.a. the Graduate School of Education.

To my left, I hear, "Have you seen Tom Brady's house?  I mean, who needs a house like that?  He's so full of himself."

To my right, "My teenage son is smoking MARIJUANA!"  Sobs and Cries. Repeats. 

Right in front of me, a graduate student whom I'm very not attracted to, "So tell me about yourself."  I answer, "I've worked here since...blah blah blah." He goes, "No, I mean, what about your social life?"  I tell him, "I have friends."  Later, he asks, "Are you engaged?" While pointing to the ring on my middle finger.  I reply, "No. Have a great semester."  He says, with confidence, "I'll be stopping by [absolutely unnecessarily] every so often."