After I get my final chest X-rays tomorrow to confirm that my pneumonia is gone, I’ll be able to put this whole disease behind me. And of course I couldn’t avoid telling coworkers when we returned to work yesterday that my holiday break was not in fact good. I didn’t intend to spread the news about my pneumonia to all coworkers though…

While walking with a coworker and briefly telling her about my break, we bump into none other than Queen Bee. I have no fucking clue why, but upon setting eyes on Queen Bee, the coworker immediately informs Queen Bee about my sickness, “Hey, QB! Whitney was just telling me that she had pneumonia all break.”

The Queen’s response: “That’s how Jim Henson - the creator of The Muppets - died.”

OH YEAH?? WELL, I DIDN’T DIE.

She’s due in 2 months. I just have to be patient.

SUBJECT CHANGE!

My computer keyboard is COVERED in glitter. All because I got Christmas cards IN THE MAIL!! (I opened them over my keyboard.)   

Last but not least, a virtual New Year’s card!

Take THAT, Queen Bitch. 

PNEUMONIA! (but the P is silent)

H is for HOSPITAL!

P + H + Me = my holiday break!

YAY!

Actually, having P is more like this.

And this.

You know, the reason why it was imperative that I had a kick-ass break is so that I could have kick-ass return-to-work conversations.

Me: How was your break?
Coworker: It was good.
Me: What did you do? Did you stay in town?
Coworker: Yeah, I did. 
Me: Oh, well, I didn't. I went on a vacation to Dallas. On a jet plane. I flew to Dallas on a jet plane to take a vacation. 

That was the plan. Instead, it's going to go like this.

Me: How was your break?
Coworker: It was good.
Me: What did you do? Did you stay in town?
Coworker: Yeah, I did.
Me: Me, too. I am a bigger loser than you are.  

Speaking of realistic coworker conversations, every time I'd step out of the office, I'd always offer one of them to pick something up for them as well.

Me: I'm going out for coffee, would you like one?
Coworker: No, but thank you for offering.

Me: I'm going out for food, would you like anything? A sandwich maybe?
Coworker: No, I think I'll just eat at home. Thank you.

But one fine day...

Me: I'm going out for earmuffs, would you like a pair?
Coworker: Yeah, sure, I'll take a pair. 

:)

Of course, this was all before the holiday break a.k.a. Pneumonia Break, before I was a bigger loser than my coworkers.