These sweatpants.
He goes, "They're pink."
My Valentine's Day present came early this year. In the form of sweatpants. These sweatpants. I go, "Um. I don't understand...the sweatpants." He goes, "They're pink." Fuck. Me.* *Statement not addressed to He.
From the Internet. My most recent excuse(s): Before making my new pear friend, I travelled cross-state: Where I attended a Jewish Ball: Past 4 months in a nut shell.
Apparently, to be someone’s bridesmaid. Not supposed to just assume and show up as one. Logically, I was already under the impression that I am a bridesmaid. So when she expressed to me that she was waiting for my "answer," I could not comprehend. Whatever, though. I was right. My Hawaii friend proposed to me last night!! At first, I thought it was The Lord of the Rings ring. But it's not. It's actually a much larger ring that goes around your wrist. See? She never needed to "ask" me.
As of 2 months ago.From: Whitney Soup To: Cousin Soup Sent: Wednesday, October 2, 2013 11:21 AM Subject: no need for "perfect" selfie arm From: Cousin Soup <cousin.soup@gmail.com>
To: Whitney Soup <where@whitneysoup.com> Sent: Wednesday, October 2, 2013 11:27 AM Subject: Re: no need for "perfect" selfie arm That looks ridiculous! I will not (nor do I need to with my perfect length arms) stoop to that level. Plus its not a selfie with three people...everyone knows that Some people is more like one person. And this one person is my Aussie friend. And by crazy I mean that he is yelling at me, and is experiencing considerable anxiety and mild trauma. The following email thread took place 8 hours and 3 minutes after the most recent episode. From: Aussie Friend Sent: 9/16/2013 7:03 AM To: Whitney Soup Subject: Good god What the hell breaking bad?! On 16 September 2013 23:05, Whitney Soup <where@whitneysoup.com> wrote: Aahh! Haven't watched it yet. Let's discuss after I do. Sent from my Windows Phone From: Aussie Friend <aussie.friend@gmail.com> To: Whitney Soup <where@whitneysoup.com> Sent: Monday, September 16, 2013 9:06 AM Subject: Re: Good god I wanted to drop you a line after last week's but you didn't say anything, so I thought you hadn't watched it!! How could you be so late!! On 17 September 2013 03:37, Whitney Soup <where@whitneysoup.com> wrote: just watched it on my lunch hour. holy moly. From: Aussie Friend <aussie.friend@gmail.com>
To: Whitney Soup <where@whitneysoup.com> Sent: Tuesday, September 17, 2013 7:14 AM Subject: Re: Good god last week's ep was just like OMG all the way through - and then this week happened!! I was so stressed out watching it all. After having updated my BFF (who lives 802 miles away from me) on the 2 classes I’m taking at night: “Well, duh. Museums are boring.” I didn’t think so, before. But it seems I’m wrong. I had explained to him that, the surprising thing is, my nonprofit management class is the interesting one. And my museum studies class is super dull. GOING(S) ON RECORD: Museums - or, museum studies, is boring. The professor thinks the Major League Baseball team is called the New England Red Sox. Um, he can’t seem to pronounce his L’s even though he’s not Japanese. In fact, he’s white. With bright blonde hair! Most of the class is made up females. The few males that are there, are not physically attractive. Which reminds me. Someone pointed out to me recently that “looks aren’t everything,” and to “pay attention” in class, and “[possibly some other reproachful phrase].” PEE. EFF. EFF. TEE. (That spells PFFT.) This week is orientation week, which means the academic year has begun. As of yet, I have not seen a single good-looking male student. I’m gonna go ahead and be pessimistic about this, and say that this probably means it’s going to be a bad year. Final Stories on Sydney I
A dude at a Cuban bar who was trying to get into my pants (even though I was wearing a dress) told me that he could hear my Boston accent after I told him I live here. I shouldn’t have to tell any of you this, but I will just to make sure you know: Of course I don’t have an effing Boston accent. II I love America. Always have. Always will. I remade a declaration last night at dinner, that I always wanted to be a waitress and that I think I'd be more than excellent and fantastic at it - I'd be AMAZING. A female dinnermate then felt the need to declare, to me, "I don't think you'd be a good waitress." What a fucking bitch, right? - - - I have another declaration. An Australian restaurant recommendation! Bloodwood in Newtown. What is delicious:
polenta chips with gorgonzola sauce chickpea pancake with kale, almonds, quinoa, and persian fetta five spice bean curd and mushrooms with ginger, chilli, and shallot (They have lots of meat, too.) - - - Last declaration: There are quite a number of Cantonese (it's a kind of Chinese) people here in the Sydney metropolitan area. Haven't decided how I feel about that yet. (comma) Australia.
In gift shop purchasing handmade boomerangs. Strangers approach me. Australian Couple: Hello, where are you from? Me: Boston?* Australian Couple: Nice! How are you liking Sydney? Me: I just got here yesterday, so I haven't done that much. But the sun is really beating down on me! Australian Couple: It's winter though. Me: Right. Despite (apparently) popular Australian belief, the sun does shine during the winter season in Sydney. Proof is below. _____________ *I really wasn't sure if Aussies are familiar with that place. Another nerd attack happened to me. Yesterday, in my intellectual property class. (In case you don’t know, it’s about inventions, brand names, and logos.) Nerd, grinning, raises hand. “What if I reverse engineered the iPhone and figured out the exact process of taking apart an iPhone, could I patent that process?” Chuckle, chuckle. Professor responds because it’s part of his job. He is paid to. “Why - - What would be the purpose - - your goal in obtaining that patent?” Nerd continues to torture me. Goofier chuckle, then even goofier than that chuckle chuckle. “I don’t know.” Chuckle again. “Just because.” Yup, more goofy chuckling. Don’t worry, I did not immediately drop this course after that attack. I’m not that intolerant of ultimate-nerds. Plus the add/drop deadline already passed. And to be honest, this attack is in part my fault, because I just sat there and let it happen to me. I don't know what else to do except make a new button: |
Cabbages
All
Artichokes
August 2020
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